Asymptotically I am fine
Jonathan Mosheiff & Shaull Almagor, 2015.
Lyrics with links.
Week one, proved the unique games conjecture.
It took a while, lack of sunlight is affecting my texture.
Only two people came to the lecture.
for the food.
Week two, got the peer-review.
Weak-reject, they didnít even read it through.
Ďcause my induction base wasnít true.
when n equals 1.
I eat Ramen because I cannot cook.
I read only 3 random bits from a book,
I donít get any of this gobbledygook,
so I cry.
My life is just like a matrix, just look
I need a bigger spectral gap.
Tryiní to get myself some expansion,
while the undergrads are taking a nap.
Using error corrections, bounding VC dimensions,
just to learn some freakiní line
I have nightmares about grant applications,
but asymptotically I am fine.
Week three, math is starting to pesk,
my functions have trapdoors, but my office is still lacking a desk,
my life has turned out quite picaresque
Look it upÖ
Week four, my proof is a mess,
Itís too hard, when you donít have a witness to guess,
May as well go sing at ITCS.
Well, the simplices are quite complicated,
and my research isnít well motivated,
My colleagues are all overrated.
It gets worse:
I got a call from Alice, she said,
sheís leaving me for some guy named Bob.
Turns out theyíve been talking in secret.
From what I hear heís kind of a snob.
I guess Iím the man in the middle now,
I resort to drinking bottles of Klein.
I goto places considered harmful
But asymptotically I am fine.
Week k, much to my dismay,
the colloquium was cancelled, so there is no free lunchtoday.
Only ham sandwich cut half-way,
with an n-dimensional knife.
Week ten, improved the bound on f(n),
from log log n over log of log of log of n square,
to log log log log lo...oh they donít care,
I do Fourier analysis of a cone,
I havenít finished paying my student loan,
and no, I canít fix your cellular phone,
let me explain:
I do computer science, so no:
Can't tell you which iphone to buy.
I canít hack the pentagon mainframe,
and cryptographers can tell you why.
Can't set up your computer network.
I donít know why your code wonít compile.
Can't get you a cool job at google.
I donít know how to open that file.
I also think that voice recognition is magic,
and I also hate autocomplete.
I also forget most of my email passwords,
And I accidently press "shift deleteĒ
But if you want a circuit lower bound,
then come and get a job like mine.
Well, right now I donít have the solution,
but asymptotically I am fine!